Chaotic moments breed chaotic thoughts

Fireworks for Auckland's Anniversary Weekend

“There is always a certain peace in being what one is, 

in being that completely.” 

~ Ugo Betti

I’m comfortable in my own skin.  

Most of the time.

All of us though, in varying degrees and at varying times, need the support of our friends.

I wouldn’t have survived this last year WITHOUT that support.

Melancholy has reared it’s ugly head more frequently recently than at any other time in my life.  

There are days when I don’t know how I’m going to make it through.

But I do.

A message.  

A heartfelt hug.  

A call.

Long chats with like-minded souls.

All play their part in making this journey more bearable.

As do morning rambles with the hound.

The chaos that is my life serves it’s own purpose.

Chaotic moments breed chaotic thoughts.

Chaotic thoughts fuel creativity.

Why is it that when life is ripped asunder by uncertainty and fear, 

SO much more is visible?

There’s a clarity that wasn’t there before.

A direction that, despite the uncertainty, is clearly marked.

How weird is that.

Before the crowds descend on The Cloud

As I walked the mudflats this morning with the hound

and marveled at the magnificence Mother Nature laid out before us, 

I felt a calmness I haven’t felt in a while.

I felt a strength growing from deep within.

This is not an easy journey to be on.

But it has ‘grown me’.

She caught a crab in the rock pool and ate it.

I no longer question the vagaries of life.

There are no perfect answers.

THIS is the hand I’ve been dealt.

I must do with it what I can.

The light wasn't brilliant this morning but this little girl didn't move.

“When we lose the right to be different, 

we lose the privilege to be free.” 

~ Charles Evans Hughes

... even when I got this close to her.

Chaos still reigns

A road without a few challenges, rarely takes you anywhere.

The roads I ramble have been emptier than usual of late.

Particularly this morning.

Houses stand empty.

Curtains closed.

A forlorn look to them as New Year approaches.

Even the furballs we normally chance upon are conspicuous by their absence.

The hound’s disappointed.

She loves her meet and greet morning furball moments.

The furballs don’t always share her enthusiasm.

Madills Farm, usually knee deep in hounds, was empty.

The lack of bodies to meet and greet left room for thought.

I can only breathe a sigh of relief as I look back on the turmoil of 2014

That we’ve made it to the end intact is testimony to the resilience we have.

2015 can only be better.

Having that thought in my head though got me thinking.

Yes 2014 has had it’s share of turmoil as have the 3 years since April 9 2011. 

It’s not ALL been bad though.

We’ve discovered strengths we didn’t know we had.

So much good has still happened.

So much happiness still exists.

So many friends have been rock-solid.

Our lives are blessed in so many ways.

Chaos cannot diminish that.

Yes, the festive season has been a struggle.

I haven’t wanted to socialise. 

I haven’t wanted to conform.

There was no Christmas Tree in The Flat @ No. 14.

The first time in forever.

Tonight though, as I watch the sky over my adopted city light up as the New Year is ushered in, 

I’ll raise a glass to myself and the lemmings

and the manner in which we’ve conquered 2014.

Chaos still reigns 

Insanity still prevails

but giving up ISN’T an option.

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” 

~ Anais Nin

Mrs. Browns Boys have a lot answer for!

Ice, Ice and still MORE ice .... AND it’s fresh!!

These were really neat size balls .... had to stop her from popping them
 ... they were for the Weetbix Kids Triathlon.

Yes, Mrs Brown’s Boys have something to answer for. The boys in this house LOVE that program and the whacky humour that is part and parcel of it. Ice in our house has taken on new meaning ever since the episode where Betty was persuaded to take Agnes’s drink back to the bar as Agnes wanted the frozen ice replaced with fresh ice. Betty was up and on her way to the bar before registering that she’d been hoodwinked 

.... that episode never fails to make my boys laugh!

Strangely enough, Agnes was also drinking gin and tonic.

I’ve complained before about having ‘old’ ice in my drink .... ‘old’ ice being ice that’s been in the deep freeze for an inordinate length of time ... yes, it tastes stale.

They now make a point of asking me if I want frozen or fresh ice in my G + T. The fridge in the house we’ve just moved into has an ice-maker and the boys are thrilled. Now when they tell me they’ve put fresh ice in my drink, they really have .... and it still makes them chuckle.

Some semblance of sanity is slowly returning to my disordered world. I’ve been feeling philosophical today and can only put it down to the move and the upheaval and chaos that accompanies it. I need to open my eyes and listen with my soul because that’s the part of me that isn’t confused by what’s happening in my life.

I think too much. I ponder too much on the sins of the world and try to make them all right

 ... and it just doesn’t work. 

Insanity rules

.... but would I want it any other way?

The wind in our part of the world has been insane as well. It’s stirred up a world of discontent and unease ..... everyone feels it. It’s whipped clouds of sand through the village, it’s piled up against the kerb and along the shop fronts. 

You can see Mother Nature’s been in a bit of a frenzy

.... I know how she feels.

It’s spring tide and I love spring tides. I love the way the waves race up the beach, each wave trying to outdo the one before. The hound loves it too .... way more water to wade through after her ball!

Waiatarua was all but deserted this morning apart from the stalwarts like Carol and I, and Abby the German Shepherd and Sasha the Samoyed. Sasha’s beautiful ... she’s WHITE .... FLUFFY WHITE .... and she’s always clean! I have no idea how she manages to stay like that. Sasha and Wendy are often at Waiatarua and Wendy’s not like some of the other humans we encounter who flinch when a certain “wannabee” chocolate hound goes racing up to them, shaking mud in every direction.

My hound just gives you a shower .... there’s seldom mud involved.

The hounds could ramble for hours at Waiatarua. They NEVER tire of chasing down just one more rugby ball, leaping into the water just one more time. They’re doing what they love and they’re doing it well. 

I need to practise that .... not the leaping into water thingy .... but the doing what I love thingy. 

"When you're completely involved in an activity for its own sake, the ego falls away and time flies. Every action, movement, and thought follows inevitably from the previous one. Your whole being is involved, and you're using your skills to the utmost."  ~ Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

The "treading water" hound ... she's so cute!