Thinking too much hijacks my thoughts.

Some mornings stun me into silence

 As from today I will NOT allow my mind to HIJACK my thoughts.

“You will find that it is necessary to let things go; 

simply for the reason that they are heavy.” 

~ anon.

I’ve been having a confidence crisis.

3 markets down since the significant other was incarcerated and each time I participate,

 I’m more and more fearful.

It’s a mind game.  

One that my mind is playing far too well.

Franky trying to pinch the hound's log

Thoughts can be my best friend and my worst enemy.  

They pop into my head without permission and faster than the eye can blink.  

They don’t leave quite as quickly though and the emotions they stir up are distracting.

Until I learn to OBSERVE what’s on the inside of my mind without being judgmental, 

the external world that I perceive and experience around me 

will continue to be a reflection of those thoughts.  

They’re not always good ones.

Wet and misty morning at the view-site

It’s that thinking too much thingy.

Almost as bad as the words falling out of my mouth thingy.

The words falling out of my mouth thingy DOESN’T hijack my thoughts though.  

The thinking too much thingy does.

Franky running rings around the hound and barking at her!

“ ... the problem most people have is NOT knowing how to STOP thinking."

~ Eckhard Tolle

Guilty as charged.

I alone am responsible for creating the world in which I live.

Something the oldest lemming keeps reminding me of.

On Sunday I had the privilege of dining out with T.  

I don’t think she knows how much of an impact she has on my life.  

She is a light-bringer.  

She allows me to see things through her eyes and, when viewed from that perspective, 

they’re not quite as scary as I once thought.

We laugh a lot too and I like that.

We also feed each others souls.

I like that even more.

My world is just awesome

“The free soul is rare but you know it when you see it because you feel good, 

very good, when you are near or with them."

~ Charles Bukowski

Playing with sunsets and silhouettes

.... it definitely helps to talk to yourself ...

Can't help but love her!

I embraced the silence today ....... it had a language all of it’s own ..... I didn’t listen to my music like I often do on my rambles ..... I didn’t stop and chat .... my children will be shocked!  I had no choice .... overcast skies and summer dog times ensured that the beach was devoid of human or hound company early this morning.

My overcast bay this morning ...

Hmmmm "Life is dangerous ... it may eventually kill you" 

Sometimes embracing the silence is necessary .... it stills my mind ... enables me to catch up with myself .... and allow all those thoughts I’ve been thinking to take shape and form.  There is so much I want to do ..... there are so many things I want to find out about .... there just aren’t enough hours in my day sometimes to accomplish all that I want.  It’s so easy to get distracted ... I follow one line of thought and it takes me into another ... and another ... and yet again .... another.  Before I know it my original train of thought has been hijacked ....

One HAPPY puppy!

Everything begins with a thought ..... it whispers itself out to you ..... it invades your dreams ... and it’s often in those dreams that the thought gains substance. Some days I feel I’m going to explode .....  I feel frustrated at my inability to turn these thoughts into something tangible.  I know I’m not alone in this frustration .... we all, at some stage or another, struggle to express ourselves in a way which makes any sense.

The tide was out so she wanted to go further around Ladies Bay

My rambles allow me the space to express this frustration .. particularly on days like today ... there’s no-one around to hear me talk to myself ..... only the hound ... and she already knows she has a whacky human in charge ... so she’s not the slightest bit concerned by the one-sided conversation.  It definitely helps to talk to yourself ... no-one to answer you back ... no-one to dispute the answers you give yourself ... you’re ALWAYS right! 

Summer dog times mean we're including Ladies Bay .... oh yes, the bay of ill repute ..... in our rambles again.  The hound knows when we leave St. Heliers Bay and head up the hill to the view site, that we're going to divert down the stairs to Ladies Bay for a swim.  Her swim, that is, not mine ... it's just not warm enough for me yet.  On overcast days like today the nudists are noticeable by their absence .... I had the whole beach to myself .... no nudists, no fishermen, no tourists .... no nothing .... not even a sea lion ... just me and the hound.  Whilst she retrieved ball after ball ..... and ball again .... I wandered up and down the beach skimming shells into the waves ... and listening to the whispers in my mind.  They make so much sense ... and the silence helps me understand them.

I am .... and so are we all .... way more powerful than what we give ourselves credit for.  Our minds are amazing tools .... we can achieve anything if we truly believe we can.  That’s where it stops ..... BELIEF ..... I have to believe in me .... it’s that simple!  

Tut’s message today says it all “Every fortune, gold medal and trophy... every comeback, triumph and celebration... every kiss, hug... and hand held ... were first a thought, a whisper, or a dream.”

.... or as my hound would probably think .... every ball ... every log ... every wave ........ they were first a thought ............. a whisper ............ or a dream ........... hmmmmm.

My bay at lunchtime .... not a cloud in site .... and the only activity on the sand was a couple of fornicating seagulls!

Don't stand in my sunshine!!

Don’t stand in your own
sunshine ....

Without challenges in life, I stagnate.   I continue to do the familiar,  the comfortable, with no thought that there could be something more to life than what I already know.  Challenges force me out of my rut.  They force me to look at who I am and what I’m capable of.  They make me stand alone and survive when I don’t think I’m able to.
There’s definitely a Tui moment in there somewhere .. I’m sure of it!

Indy!

There’s nothing missing from the person I am. I don’t have to search for the requisite skills that I need to face whatever is thrown at me. It’s all already there. I’m a complete and perfect package .... 100% equipped with the tools I need to make my life what I want it to be.  
We all are. 
Until we’re faced with a momentous upheaval in our lives though, few of us realise that we already have all the bits and bobs necessary to survive.  We don’t have to search for anything ... it’s all there ... right within us.

The rather oddly shaped stick she found this morning!

Moving to NZ two years ago forced me to face my fears.  I was comfortable in SA.  I had a thriving business that bought me so much pleasure,  a loving and growing family, a marvellous circle of friends who uplifted and supported me.  Everywhere I went was familiar and had a comfortable feel to it. I didn’t need to move elsewhere in the world to appreciate all that I had.

But move I did and despite the initial home-sickness and the still ever-present nostalgia for the known and familiar ... I’m enjoying it here.  Yes I’ve missed, and still miss, my friends in SA tremendously but, this morning for the very first time, I realised just how very much I’m enjoying making new friends here and how much each of those new friends adds to the person I’ve become.  As with my friends in SA each of them adds their own special brand of uniqueness to my sunshine.  They bring out the best bits in me and I hope I bring out the best bits in them.

Starting my business here hasn’t been plain sailing either. I suppose in SA it took several years to build up and I had a network of friends and family who supported me.  I never had to advertise.  The work came ‘word of mouth’ as friends of friends and friends’ businesses commissioned me for various projects. Here, it’s just me .... all on my lonesome .... trying to make an impact on my new world.  It’s scary!  Suddenly all those doubts and insecurities flood my mind.  I know what I create is unique and beautiful but will anybody else!

Fortunately I have the best canine model in the world for much of my work!  I never intended for my hound to become the focal point of my work .... but once again, you grab what you’re presented with and run with it.  The photo opportunities I get on the beach every morning with her are superb. She is so photogenic as are many of the hounds we meet. 

This morning we met Julia’s Indy, another Chocolate Labrador.  He’s huge, much taller than her and he doesn’t get to come to the beach as frequently as she does as his favourite human works several days a week!  He had such fun though ..... hoovered the beach a lot .... and found the smallest of balls to chase!!!  It looked so incongruous .... this large lean chocolate Labrador chasing this tiny green ball!!

He also re-arranged the log that the gulls perch on in the bay.  My hound, as is usual, had the requisite stick in the mouth .. not a log this morning .... and Indy decided to fetch the one he could see in the water.  The only problem was it was huge!!!  But Indy’s not a big dog for nothing.  He pulled and pulled as hard as he could and it moved!!  I think the gulls will be pleased. There are so many more perches for them to sit on now!

All these characters I meet on the beach every day .... both human and hound ..... are filling my world with new thoughts and ideas.  They make me so aware of how much goodness is out there and I love that they do. 
That sunshine ..... it’s just going to keep on shining ... there IS no other way!

.... a shot of caffeine fixes EVERYTHING!!

My favourite bit of real estate!

Empty the mind .... it sounds so simple ... so easy to do ... but it’s NOT!!!   When my head hits that pillow its almost like an alarm going off .... in the still of the night all those thoughts jump out of the woodwork ... jostling for position .... all wanting to be heard .... I can’t hear myself think for the noise they make!!   So I try harder..... and harder  ..... that’s better ...... I’m getting there .... then I realise that in itself is a thought ... a rogue one ... pretending not to be a thought!   Emptying the mind means exactly that .... no thought whatsoever .... it’s so hard .......

Getting down and dirty with the wildflowers ..... or is it the pee-mail??

But it’s also necessary .... too often I allow the worries of the world to overwhelm my sleep ... it’s not good for me and it’s certainly not good for those around me.  Would that I could be like my hound ... her mantra on life was summed up quite succinctly by a friend on Facebook today .... it goes something like this:

Solitude .......

When loved ones come home always run to greet them ..... take lots of naps and always stretch before rising.   Run, romp and play daily ... haha ... I love that one!!! Avoid biting when a growl will do.  Delight in the simple joy of long walks.  Be loyal!  If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it .... hmmmmm, someone’s been watching her unearth those ginormous logs on the beach ..... and lastly, when someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close to them and nuzzle them gently.

.... oh yes .... one more ..... a shot of caffeine fixes EVERYTHING!!

So does sunshine ..... it’s glorious here this morning..... blue skies, sunshine ... a slight breeze ..... perfect walking weather!  So many people were practising their smiles today .... some spontaneously ......  others needed a little encouragement .... my hound proudly carrying her South African rugby ball was all the encouragement some needed!    Others needed a smile from me too ..... acknowledgement that I’d noticed them .... a cheery “Beautiful day” or “Glorious weather”!  Anyone would think we seldom see such beautiful weather in Auckland but that’s the furthest thing from the truth ... despite this country’s reputation for being the “land of the long white cloud” , the sun shines here in abundance .... maybe not visibly everyday ... but we certainly have more sunshiny days than grey ones!

Back to those pesky thoughts that cloud my judgement and short-circuit my sleep ..... thoughts are necessary ... they define our lives .... I just need to give them the space to be heard.  Everything I do ... every thought I think ... is part of the enigma of who I am ..... I’m still evolving ..... so are we all ..... gloriously incomplete!  The day I have no thoughts to worry about ..... no drama to solve ..... is the day my life is over.  We are meant to be incomplete .... we are meant to be constantly evolving ..... because it’s in that change and growth that we truly discover who and what we are!

So, for now, I will remain gloriously incomplete ......... a very definite work-in-progress!!