Chaos can be a catalyst.

“However vast the darkness, we MUST supply our own light.”

~ Stanley Kubrick 

There are days when I lie awake in the early hours of the morning

wondering about this journey I’m on.  

How did it happen?  

When did life get so confusing?  

When will the chaos end?

It’s in the darkness, in the still of the night, that everything feels overwhelming, 

out of control and difficult to fathom.

Bleak is a word that comes to mind.

If I lie there long enough it takes over.  

The dark thoughts and the negativity have freedom to reign 

and plunge me towards an abyss I stand on the edge of.

Action is the only way to step back from the abyss.

We are all a product of our thoughts. 

We can choose for them to be good or we can choose for them to be bad.  

I opt for the good ones and the early morning rambles that invoke them.

Heading out before the sun’s even up is therapy in itself.

The light of day, even when it’s feeble,  lends a different perspective to the chaos.

I remember why I’m where I am.

I turn the chaos into magic.

I look for the joy.

What am I learning from all this?

I’m learning that any action is better than none.

That chaos can be a catalyst for something better.

That I’m responsible for the thoughts in my head and the actions they precipitate.

Leaping out of bed before the sun’s up is an action I CHOOSE to make.

I’m learning that it takes courage to make decisions that are right for me.

That it takes strength to believe in oneself.

That strength comes from within and not from anyone else.

Life I’m sure will continue to throw curved balls at me.  

Learning coping skills and a mechanism to embrace these curved balls is essential 

... not just for MY sanity but for the sanity of all those who love the person I am, 

warts and all.

“Going nowhere … isn’t about turning your back on the world; 

it’s about stepping away now and then 

so that you can see the world more clearly and love it more deeply.”

~ Maria Popova